Romance and Massage

Talk Dirty: A sexual enhancement tool

He or she may say a picture is worth a thousand words, but in the bedroom the sound of a lover's voice can turn us on, bring us closer together, and charge our sex lives with a new element of fantasy and communication. Imagine the power the sound of your lover's voice has over the telephone when you're separated by distance, and then imagine that voice, stripped raw in the passion of the moment, telling you all the naughty, beautiful or emotional things you've always wanted to hear. We get goose bumps just thinking about it! Sex is about all five senses, but too often we forget about the audible needs of our lovers. While it's natural and easy to touch, taste, smell and see each other during lovemaking, you have to make a conscious effort to really sexually satisfy the sense of hearing. And sex is, as we all know, as much about the mind as it is about the body. Bringing an element of speaking to your partner during lovemaking can arouse his or her mind more quickly and powerfully than anything else, bringing out sides of him or her in bed that you may not have seen before!. If you've never experimented with turning your lover on with your voice, we recommend trying it. But there are some things you should keep in mind! Try to get a sense for how far your partner will be comfortable with your taking the dirty talk. In particular, while many women love being talked to with a naughty tone in bed, many surveys report that women also tend to be more self-conscious when men praise their bodies or actions during sex. To help you out with this, we've suggested four different levels of dirty talk below, so you can ease into this practice and get comfortable along the way. Also, and most importantly, do not rehearse what you are planning to say to your lover in bed! Nothing is going to be more of an instant turn-off (to most people) than if you sound like a rehearsed porn film! We're not denying that for some couples, role-playing that you are adult film stars is a great turn-on, but for most people, much of the arousal factor in talking dirty is the spontaneity of it. Let your fantasies come out of your mouth naturally. Let go of your inhibitions and trust that the person you're with is going to be just as turned on by your honesty as you are! Talking Dirty to Turn On Your Lover vs. Sharing Intimate Thoughts
Just so we're clear here, "I want you to touch me here because it makes me hot" is talking dirty to turn on your lover. "I love you so much it hurts me every minute I'm away from you" is sharing an intimate thought in bed. Both of these techniques can enhance your lovemaking. The decision on which to use really depends on both your partner and the effect you're going for. Talking dirty to turn on your lover often results in wilder sex that revolves a little more around fantasy. Sharing intimate thoughts can make your sex more impassioned and emotional. Talking dirty to turn on your partner is a good way to show and tell each other what you've been wanting the other to do in bed, while sharing intimate thoughts can be a great tool for telling each other how much you care, without many of the inhibitions of daily life. Just remember, the power of something said in bed is only as strong as the actions you use to back it up the next morning! Don't tell your lover you can't imagine being away from him or her for a minute if you're planning to rush out the door at first light to go golfing or shopping. While talking and speaking to each other during lovemaking can enhance communication and sex, you shouldn't say anything you wouldn't be willing to repeat with the lights on. How Brave Are You? Four Steps to Being an Accomplished Dirty Talker!
So you're ready to break the silence barrier in bed? Perhaps, however, you' re not sure how your partner will react to it, or you're not sure you're ready to be brave enough to tackle the task! Try phasing yourself in by starting with the lightest step below and working your way up to Phase Four. Phase One: Read Some Erotica Out Loud
There's nothing safer to start with than using somebody else's words. If you're not ready to tell your partner your fantasies yourself, invest in an erotic book and try reading your lover a story at bedtime. We'd suggest getting a collection of stories like The Erotic Edge or Delta of Venus. Both of these books are proven classics, and if you read through the stories you'll probably find one that describes a fantasy you have! Try reading that one out loud and seeing how your partner responds. If your partner enjoys the erotic reading (before bedtime is always best!), let him or her take the book and pick out the next story he or she'd like to have read to them. You may even want to set the mood with some candles and wine to create a more seductive atmosphere. Eventually, you may even want to work up to writing your own erotica and reading it out loud to each other! Phase Two: The Naughty Call at Work
So you're ready to really tell your lover what you want to do to him or her, but you're scared you'll blush and ruin the whole thing? Why do you think telephones were invented? Yes, we all know that millions of telemarketing companies across the nation think they were invented just to interrupt you at dinnertime, but in reality telephones were designed to be an erotic tool! Imagine your lover sitting at his or her desk, in the middle of the day, counting down the hours until 5:00 pm. Instead, you call, and while you tell your lover what you're planning to do to him or her and where you're planning to touch them when they get home, your sweetie has to sit there pretending to care about his or her computer screen! Some tips for the perfect erotic phone call:

• Don't call right before lunch! Hunger pains and sexy talk sometimes don't mix well. Try describing, step by step, the sex you're fantasizing about having with him or her later. If you're really naughty, describe to your lover what you're doing to yourself while you talk to him or her on the phone (and we don't mean tell them about how you're cleaning the plaque off your teeth!) Turn off the TV or radio! Your lover will not find it sexy if Ricki Lake is talking in the background while you're describing what you want to do with your mouth. You should actually make sure any extraneous background sounds are gone, and no matter what you do, don't run the vacuum or cook a meal in the microwave while you're talking dirty on the phone! You want to build up a fantasy, not get your lover thinking that you're running around the house in sweatpants while cleaning the refrigerator. Don't make promises you're not going to keep! Don't tell your lover on the phone that you want to do something to him or her when you know you'll never actually want to do that! That's not fair, and called teasing!
• Finally, you'll talk sexier if you feel sexy. Put on some music or wear something that makes you feel good about yourself.

Phase Three: Praise Your Partner's Body
If you've made it through the first two phases, or you're just sure your lover is ready for you to start talking dirty, it's time to bring your voice into the bedroom (or wherever you and your partner like to play). But take it slow -- if your partner isn't used to hearing your voice during sex, it might be best to start out with complimenting him or her to get them relaxed and comfortable with this new sexual element. Tell him or her how much you love their various body parts, their eyes, the way your partner looks at you when you make love, and the way he or she smells. Praise all the things about him or her you really do love, and praise those body parts while caressing or kissing them. Remember, though, there's always the chance that this will make your partner self conscious, so stay aware. Pay attention to how your partner is reacting. Is he or she responding and getting excited or are they giggling and seeming uncomfortable? If he or she seems to be responding well, you should definitely keep going, but if you're not sure, it never hurts to ask them. A simple question like, "Do you like what I'm saying to you or do you want me to stop?" whispered into your partner's ear can not only show him or her that you're concerned about making sure they enjoy the experience and are relaxed, but also lets you know if you're on the right track. Chances are your lover will be flattered and aroused by what's coming out of your mouth.

Phase Four: Let's Get Naughty
Okay, this is the big one, to be tried only when you're sure your partner is ready for it. This is when you start talking dirty. One note, by the way: when you're talking about sexual acts with your partner in bed, you should use the words that will really turn you both on. If more hard-core words for sexual acts get you going, use those. But if softer descriptions are more comfortable, stick to those. There are four ways to go here:

• What I'm Going To Do : This is a popular one. In this dirty talk scenario, you tell your lover what you're going to do to his or her body before you do it, for example, "Now I'm going to gently bite your neck." This allows them to anticipate what's coming next, and this technique works even better if you have him or her close their eyes while you do it. What I Am Doing to You Now : Just another variation of the above, but with this one, instead of giving your lover warning, you simply verbally state what you're doing. You'd be surprised how much more erotic licking your partner is when you're saying what you're doing at the same time. What I'd Like You to Do : What's the easiest way to get your partner to tell you what he or she wants in bed? Ask them. "Tell me how you like it," or "Tell me what you want me to do to you," will open the door to your partner telling you what he or she wants, and with any luck you'll grow from there to having them tell you without your asking.
• How You're Making Me Feel : Sometimes knowing that you're reacting to what's going on in the bedroom can make your lover even more aroused. Start with the simple, "You make me feel so good," or "You feel so good to me," and work up from there.

The most important thing to remember with talking dirty is that it's supposed to be comfortable and exciting for both parties. Pay attention to how your partner is responding to you (you should always be doing that anyway!), and you'll know how far to take it. Forget about silence being golden -- a little talking can be orgasmic! The Sensual Bath Here's what you do, in five easy steps:

1. Prep the room. Light a bunch of candles, arrange them around the edge of the tub (if possible), and turn off the lights. Either use scented candles or burn incense. Crack the window or door just a tiny bit, enough to allow a little cool air in. Set a tall glass of water next to the tub. Play soft music, such as classical, opera, Celtic or new age music. Make sure you have all your "equipment," including a washcloth, soap, loofah or scrubber, body wash and a waterproof sex toy if desired. Make sure the bathtub is clean (enough) and free of hair or other debris. Take a shower. It may sound weird to shower before you bathe, but if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. If you take a few moments to wash away the dirt and grime, you won't spend the next 30 minutes stewing in your own filth. After all, you clean the tub first, right? Prep the tub. Take a moment to rinse away any last-minute debris, and then fill the bathtub with very warm water. You don't want hot water, which is too dehydrating, and you probably don't want cool water. When the tub is half-filled, add bubble bath , bath salts or bath oil and swirl. Fill the tub to the desired amount and get in. Don't forget to take your clothes off first! Take the bath. Spend at least thirty minutes soaking and relaxing. If the water gets cool, add a little bit of hot water. You can wash, exfoliate, masturbate , read a book or whistle a merry tune, just keep your body submersed, letting the warm water relax your muscles and erase the white noise from your head. You might rest your head on a bath pillow or drape a wet washcloth over your eyes. I often enjoy using one of those gel eye masks, the kind you freeze for ten minutes and then place on your face like a pair of floppy sunglasses; the cold mask makes a very refreshing contrast to the warm water.
2. Rehydrate. When you're done with your bath, step out, pull the plug and dry off. However, before you get dressed again, take a moment to apply lotion to your still-damp skin. A long soak can suck the moisture right out of your skin, so it's important to add some back, or you'll look like a wrinkly prune. Now would also be a good time to drink that glass of water sitting next to the tub.

Exploring Your Erotic Dreams Dreams can be interesting tools for examining your inner self. your subconscious straining to tell you something important. What you choose to do with these images is up to you, but if you feel like taking a deeper look, keep reading. Animal Symbolism
Because in most cultures animals are archetypal, representing a predefined series of concepts, ideas and thoughts, interpreting animal dreams is a relatively straightforward process. For example, a cat represents immense satisfaction with your sexual self: picture a sleek, contented kitty-cat licking cream from its chin and you've got the right idea. Horses, a strong, powerful animal, often represent the dreamer's lover -- real, ideal or imagined. A flying bird usually indicates sexual ecstasy.

However, one animal defies easy classification: a snake can represent fear, manual stimulation of the penis, latent homosexuality and veiled sexual desire. It really depends upon the context -- if you dream about this sinuous reptile, pay attention to the emotional background. If you feel anxious or unhappy, the snake represents fear. If you are a man holding the snake, you may be dreaming about latent or realized gay thoughts. If you are a woman holding the snake, you could be thinking about holding a man's penis. And so on. Water, Rain & Thunder
Displays of water and other natural phenomena are more that just a backdrop to your erotic dreams. Layered with meaning, dreams of fog, rain, rivers or storms can indicate strong sexual feelings. The body of water usually represents your sexual desire: a rushing river indicates churning sexual arousal and bodily fluids, while a gentle, babbling brook often stands for sexual satisfaction -- people often have dreams of streams after lovemaking. Rainy weather is more indicative of underlying sexual emotions. Fog, heavy mist or a dense cloud cover usually indicates that you may be hiding your true sexual feelings or desires from yourself or others. Is there a problem you aren't ready to deal with? If rainy days get you down, it should be no surprise that rainy dreams symbolize depression or unhappiness -- and being rain-soaked indicates a sense of powerlessness about your life. Thunder, Mother Nature's loudest display of force, can represent fear or anxiety: the louder and more angry the thunderclap, the more powerful the emotion. Physical Structures
Just as real buildings house the important peripherals of our lives -- work, school, home -- dream structures contain essential information about our sexual psyches. If you dream of wandering through a castle or palace, you may be thinking about trying a new sexual act: the elevated grandness of these buildings can indicate a desire to move to a new sexual level. On the other hand, if you dream about having sex in a boring, ordinary building, the sexual act about which you are dreaming could be far more important than you think -- your subconscious may want you to pay attention to what's going on. Dreaming about having sex in your own home suggests satisfaction with your current sexual partner or habits, a level of unveiled honesty as comfortable as your favorite chair. If your sexual dreams set in physical structures are accompanied by a sensation of fear or anxiety, you might need to take a more critical look at yourself. If you dream of having sex in someone else's house, and that dream is clouded by fear, anxiety or unhappiness, you may be too detached from your sensual self. If you dream you are trapped in a building with no means for escape, you may be experiencing sexual fear or frustration, or feel trapped in your current sexual relationship. If you have anxious or fearful dreams of buildings and you are single, these dreams probably indicate a sense of loneliness or dissatisfaction with your celibate lifestyle. Flying
Anyone who has ever dreamt of flying probably remembers a strong sense of not wanting to wake up: nowhere in "real" life can we possibly know the soaring freedom of flying, unfettered, through a clear blue sky. It's not a huge leap, then, to understand that dreams of flying indicate freedom, sexual release and ecstasy -- similar to the physical and mental sensations you enjoy after achieving a sensational orgasm. No wonder you don't want to wake up! If in your dream you are experiencing emotions along with your flying, there may be a little more going on than you thought. If you are soaring with confidence above the clouds, you probably feel incredibly positive about your sexual life. If, on the other hand, you experience fear or anxiety while flying, you may have doubts about your sexual relationship or behavior. Food & Drink
Just as food and drink nourish the body and delight the palate, dreams about delicacies and libations indicate a hearty interest in your sexual appetite. If for example, you dream of stuffing your face with éclairs, truffles and champagne, you envision a delicious sex life. The larger and more exotic your dream appetite, the more interesting and robust your sexual hunger. If you dream of feeding your lover, it's nothing more that a wish to satisfy your partner, to nurture him or her in a physical way. Feeding a stranger, however, indicates a desire to tempt a new partner into your bed. Being fed by someone else suggests you would like to be the center of attention in the bedroom, waited on hand and foot by an attentive lover. Specific food images -- dreams of fruit or vegetables -- are usually symbolic of female and male genitalia, so if your dreams involve placing these phallic or vaginal symbols into your mouth, your subconscious may be expressing a longing for oral sex. Overtly Sexual Dreams
More blatant sexual dreams, images of masturbation, sexual intercourse, oral sex, sexual submission or domination, or exhibitionism usually have very easily "diagnosed" meanings: overtly sexual dreams are often straightforward. If you dream about having incredible sex, you are probably either longing for great sex, or experiencing it already.

When you have sexual dreams, pay attention to the surrounding symbols discussed above, such as the setting, the weather, any animals, food or drink. These symbols, along with any underlying feelings, stand for any subconscious thoughts you may be having about the sexual experience. If your dreams contain satisfaction and contented symbols, congratulate yourself! If you dream about fearful, anxious or stressful sexual imagery, you might want to take a look within yourself and see if you could be a little happier. The subconscious is only useful if you pay attention to it! Turn Your Partner Into a Sensual KisserA Note on Lip Care
There is absolutely no excuse for having rough lips. High-quality lip balm is just a couple of dollars at the local drugstore. Always remember that rough lips do not feel good and your sweetheart deserves better. If your lover has uncared-for lips, there's nothing wrong with buying them some lip balm and telling them you'd like to soften up their lips for a kissing marathon. Just make sure you deliver! You should even put lip balm on right before a kiss for the softest lips possible.

The Anatomy of a Kiss
While a kiss should be one fluid action, it's not easy to give advice without breaking a kiss down into various parts. A kiss includes the lips and tongue, eyes, rhythm and caressing. We're going to talk about all the elements, so you'll be a kissing expert. Just remember, it's important to enjoy the kiss for the sake of the kiss and not for the possibility of things that may come after. Kissing is one of the most passionate and intimate acts we can share with a lover. Treat a kiss as its own special and unique event. Kissing with your Eyes
Unless your partner has voiced a preference, it shouldn't matter whether your eyes are open or shut during the actual kiss. However, making deep eye contact during the approach to a kiss and afterwards will create a more intimate bond with your partner. Before and after kissing your partner, you should always look him or her deeply in the eyes. It tells your partner that you're attracted to him or her. It also shows a level of trust that you are able to maintain such an intimate moment. Homework Assignment: The next time you kiss your lover, before starting the actual kiss, hold his or her face in your hands and maintain eye contact for 20-30 seconds before beginning the kiss. Kissing with your Mouth
It's the most obvious component of a kiss, and the element where most people are either unsure or unaware. We'll try to simplify here by breaking this down even further and talking about some specific areas. Teeth : Occasionally your teeth will connect with your partner's teeth during a kiss. Unless you're in frantic mode, this should not cause damage. I actually don't know a single person who's ever chipped a tooth while kissing. However, if this is a frequent problem with you or your partner, try slowing down your kisses for a while until you get used to doing it without clashing dental fixtures.

Lips : A good kiss, of course, comes from somebody who knows how to work the lips. The key here is finding a middle ground. Your lips shouldn't be so tense that it's a battle for your partner to even get them to move, but they also shouldn't be so loose that it's like having mouth-to-mouth contact with a cartoon character. You should feel some pressure between your lips and your partner's lips, but it shouldn't be a literal "lip lock" controlled by you. Nor should your lips just be flying everywhere. Firm, consistent pressure with a yielding softness is perfect. Tongue : What's the trick to good tongue movement during a kiss? Variety. Trying to ram your tongue as far down your partner's throat as possible is not the desired technique. Start by using your tongue to gently lick your partner's lips. Then slowly move it into his or her mouth. Caress your lover's tongue and inner mouth slowly with your tongue and then move to gentle flicking motions. The tongue is a powerful muscle with lots of possibilities, and you should explore them all. Remember, the tongue can do more than one thing. Show your lover you know a whole range of erotic tongue movements. Saliva : A kiss should include some saliva, both yours and your partner's. Think how uncomfortable it would be to have a completely dry kiss. However, when it gets to the point where somebody has to use their hand to wipe the spit away from their chin, it's gone too far. How do you control this? The answer, as non-sexy as it may sound, is by swallowing. The key is to do this without interrupting the flow of the kiss, and the easiest way to do that is to swallow after you breathe. Generally when you're kissing somebody, you probably don't even notice that you're periodically breathing, but you are. Everytime you take a longer breath in, try to swallow immediately following the breath. Head : There should be some moving of the head during a kiss. Just remember to let the head move naturally and slowly. If you're thinking about it, you're thinking too much. If your partner's head doesn't move at all or quite like you want it to try running your fingers through their hair. While massaging your partner's scalp with your fingers you can also control their head movements.

Feeling the Rhythm of a Kiss
Imagine how boring it would be if roller coasters only went downhill. There would be no anticipation or excitement going up the hill beforehand, and there wouldn't be any time to enjoy the butterflies still in your stomach afterwards. Kisses are the same way. Going in at rapid speed and staying there is eventually going to get boring (at least to most people). Kisses can have many rhythms, including fast and passionate, slow and long, light and tender and quick and teasing. For many people, kissing their partner follows a set pattern: Slow and romantic in the beginning and then a buildup to a fast and passionate tempo. That's certainly a great way to increase the intensity of a kiss, but explore changing the rhythm and speed of your kissing as you go along. Move from more passionate kisses back to lighter, more playful ones. Then build the passion again. If your lover never knows what to expect next, he or she will always be surprised and excited.

Touching and Caressing
Remember back in junior high giving or receiving your first kiss and leaving your arms and hands firmly locked around your partner's neck? Once you've moved beyond that, you owe it to your lover to use those hands for other things while you're kissing. No, I don't necessarily mean very naughty things. Try putting your hands behind your partner's neck and massaging or tickling the back of his or her neck. Caress your lover's face with your fingertips while you're kissing. Run your hands up and down your lover's arms, or just gently stroke the hollow behind the earlobe. Including gentle or passionate touching while kissing heightens the experience and makes your partner feel even more desired.Advanced Kissing Tricks
Once you've mastered the above techniques, you may want to expand on your repertoire a bit. You can do this by moving your kisses to other parts of the body or by trying some famous kissing techniques.

Almost any part of the body is fair game for planting kisses. If you know the erogenous zones that make your lover particularly hot, start there. Gentle kisses on the eyelids and fingers are extremely erotic but often overlooked. The abdomen, buttocks and inner thighs are also popular spots, but it's really up to you to explore. All the same ways to make kisses on the mouth fantastic also apply to kissing other parts of the body, as well. Just think of the possibilities! Then, there are the specialty kisses -- kisses you plant on your lover to start out a particularly entertaining evening. While I encourage you to get creative and come up with your own specialty kisses, here are a few popular ones to get you started: Shocker Kiss : During the kiss, gently but suddenly suck the air in from your partner's mouth for a quick and sexy change-up. Lemon Drop Kiss : Suck on a lemon (or lime) before kissing to give your lover a tangy experience. Icy Kiss : Put some ice cream, Popsicle or ice in your mouth right before you kiss your sweetie to literally give him or her chills. Upside Down Kiss : Think about the scene from Spiderman where Spiderman and Mary Jane kiss while he's hanging upside-down. Find a way to line up your bodies so your mouths align in a different arrangement than they usually do and then explore from there. The Joys of the Personal Massager

What Exactly Is It?
A personal massager is generally designed for sensual stimulation, first and foremost. But, as an added bonus, it may also be used for straight-up muscle massage. Most are smallish in size, fitting comfortably in the palm of your hand, and they usually also have some sort of raised nubs to help the vibration penetrate more deeply, whether it's into muscles or nerve endings.

What's the Difference?
Still sounds like a lot of other sex toys, right? The difference is that a personal massager usually cannot be inserted; rather, they are designed for external use on the clitoris, the outer labia, the nipples and for whole-body massage. Most personal massagers are not phallic in shape or even cylindrical at all. But as far as nailing down a "typical" shape, that's harder to do. Many are designed with ergonomics in mind, so they're curvy and have specific places for fingers and thumb, while others are designed to be used in different ways, depending on the grip.

Benefits
The biggest benefit is that you're getting two items in one. You can take a personal massager with you anywhere, especially since they look nothing like a typical sex toy.

Of course, the vibrations are good, too. Because they're more compact and usually made of molded plastic, personal massagers generally have concentrated vibration that travels better throughout the massager. Most folks love this -- I certainly do -- but if the vibrations are a bit much for direct clitoral stimulation, you can always just use a towel or blanket between you and the massager to diffuse the vibration. Rubbing Your Lover the Right Way You'll Need
Make sure you have the following items on hand:

• Candles and/or incense Romantic CDs Clean towels Clean flat sheet
• Massage oil

Before You Begin
Before you start rubbing your honey, take a moment to set the mood:

• Lock the door and turn off your cell phone. You want quiet. Prepare your massage surface, whether it's a professional massage table or a bed. Provide rolled towels for a neck and knee rest. Since massage oils stain most fabrics, spread an old (but clean!) flat sheet over your massage surface. Illuminate the room with sensual lighting. Turn off glaring overhead lights and drape sheer fabric over floor lamps. Light candles. Make sure the room smells good: use scented candles, incense or room freshener. Keep cool water nearby for quick hydration. Put a couple of CDs into the changer so you don't have to stop and put on a new CD.
• Both of you should take a shower, shave and trim your nails.

Communication
Talk to your partner about your upcoming experience. Make sure he or she understands the difference between traditional and sensual massage -- if she's expecting the former, an erotic massage might be quite unwelcome!

Connect
Start by connecting with your partner. This will vary from couple to couple, so follow your instincts. You might kiss his or her face, lightly touch his or her body, or gaze into one another's eyes. When you both feel connected, invite your partner to lie face down on the massage table or bed, and arrange pillows and towels to his or her liking. Sensual Massage
Begin by lightly stroking your partner's body with the tips of your fingers. Start with the back, and then move to the shoulders, arms, buttocks, thighs and calves. Remember to use only light, teasing strokes. When you sense that your partner is relaxed (you might have to ask), you are ready to progress to massage.

1. Pour about two tablespoons of massage oil into the palm of your hand, and rub your hands together lightly. When the oil is warm and evenly distributed, begin massaging your partner's back with long, deep strokes. At the beginning, communicate frequently with your partner to determine if the strokes are too hard or too soft. Keep your hands in contact with your partner at all times, take your time with each rhythmic-yet-sensitive stroke, and proceed from long, gliding strokes to shorter, deeper strokes. Use your body weight rather than your arm strength for deep strokes; during gliding strokes, keep your knees slightly bent and fluid, and don't lean over the table. Once you have developed a rhythm that pleases both of you, move on to the shoulders and arms, and progress to the legs and feet, brushing the buttocks as you move up and down your partner's body. Ask your partner to turn over. Begin massaging the chest, arms and hands. Pay special attention to your female partner's breasts: don't be too invasive at this stage, but don't ignore them. Lightly stroke the nipples and undersides. Glide down to the legs, brushing the genitals on your way down. After finishing the fronts of the legs and feet, glide back up and slowly brush over the genitals. Tease your partner by brushing his or her inner thighs near the genitals, and very lightly touching the pubic region.
2. Allow the erotic energy to build until it seems like a natural time to start shifting the focus to more explicitly sexual activities.

Genital Massage
Look into your partner's eyes as you begin touching his or her genitals. Make sure the rapport you built at the beginning of the massage still exists; if it does not, try to reestablish it by slowing down and asking your partner a few questions about what he or she is experiencing. As you proceed with genital massage, remember to use your free hand to tease the rest of your partner's body.

• Female Genital Massage
  Start by gently rubbing the entire vulva, follow with clitoral stimulation, and finish with internal and clitoral stimulation -- don't forget the G-Spot ! Remember that vaginal penetration usually doesn't feel good unless she is already in a fairly high state of arousal. If your partner is comfortable, feel free to use a vibrator to assist you in the massage.
• Male Genital Massage
  Begin by applying some lubricant to the palm of your hands and rubbing it gently into the penis and testicles. Male genital massage is guided by one main principle: slow down and stop or change what you are doing just before ejaculation becomes inevitable. Ask your partner to let you know if he is about to ejaculate, or develop a signal – verbal cues, raising a hand, pulling away slightly, or even subtle body language cues can all work well. It's usually best to vary strokes at the beginning, and then concentrate on one or two kinds of strokes as the massage nears completion. By bringing your lover to the peak without allowing him to ejaculate, you prolong the massage and help your lover have a more intense orgasm.

Hold Each Other
After the massaging is finished and you are both relaxed, remember to spend some time together before falling asleep or running out the door. You have both just shared an extremely intimate experience. Hold each other, talk to each other, and enjoy the intimacy as long as you can. Be positive about the experience, especially if it was your first time. Remember, practice makes perfect!